For the record, all I ever wanted in my whole entire life was to fall asleep at a reasonable hour tonight. And sleep the night away in a blissful slumber.
Although I no longer have any recollection of what time it was exactly the idea of going to bed early hit me as a rare and very fine idea, I can tell you that it happened. This very night. I believe I did sleep, too. For about 10 minutes or so. It couldn't have been any longer than that. And suddenly? With no reason whatsoever to cause it - no loud noises, or unwarranted shifts in temperature up or down, or fitful dreams - I woke up as if fresh for a new day. Only? I'm not fresh for a new day. I've had 10 minutes of sleep. That's supposed to carry me through this night and tomorrow too? Really now?
So I've rolled around in my bed until the covers are an excruciating, uncomfortable mess, and finally got up to research inconsequential things online until I caught myself and turned the lights back off, closing my eyes. A half hour passed. Here I am again. Still no sleep.
I've been thinking of:
- How I should find a nice professor with a sabbatical coming up and go house-sit while I design great, grand works of art and write my book.
- But how that scholarly traveler needs to live nearby so I won't be far from my nephew.
- How perhaps it would be a good idea for me to follow my dreams, regardless of where the little one is.
- But how that's just ludicrous; how would I live a single month without being with him?
- How life was less complicated before he joined our family.
- But how I didn't laugh nearly as much before, either.
- How cool it is that I finally know, after all these years, what my first novel is going to be about.
- And how amazing it is I've actually started writing it.
- But how annoyed those freelance clients would be if they read this and wondered why I still haven't made time for them in my schedule.
- But how, if they'll just hold tight for a little while longer, my schedule at the supposedly part-time job is going to clear up making room for all our pet projects again very, very soon.
- How I'm thrilled to have gone back for one more round of shopping which led to tonight's acquisition of a semi-magnificent outfit.
- Which will make it now necessary to return the floorlength gown I purchased on Friday night.
- But I don't mind one bit because even if it's a Gala, I need to be comfortable that I've chosen the right attire for me.
- And how I need to design a really kick-ass ensemble of accessories to complement the outfit and also highlight my skills as a jewelry artist.
And then I lay here, still not sleeping, imagining the necklace unfold in front of me as if I were already designing it. One might think it best to just get up and go ahead and get started on it. Only I really, reeeeeally want to go to sleep.
Really and truly.