It's not that I was snooping when I went poking around in your kitchen cabinets this weekend. Not at all. I was actually trying to find a food-like-item that your son, the love of my life, would actually ingest. Besides Cheerios, that is. So I didn't have much success on that front after all.
I did, on the other hand, notice a lovely stash of what has become My Very Favorite Food In The Entire World As Of This Moment. Namely, that delectable morsel of dark chocolate laced with just the perfect amount of chili peppers. The brand you turned me on to: Lindt. What I discovered, see, was that you had apparently planned for some untimely catastrophe such as an ice storm which renders it impossible to acquire chocolate on a moment's notice, and had purchased - oh, I don't know, maybe three of the decadent treats? Just sitting there on the shelf. Taunting me.
I didn't mean to steal it, really I didn't. I thought long and hard, in fact. Looked at that chocolate bar and thought to myself: "Go to the store and buy your own chocolate, woman!" Then I realized that your cherub had quite literally wiped me out and I had no energy remaining for a trip to the supermarket, or anywhere else, for that matter. There was no way I was stopping on my way home.
But a thought hit me. Dollars. I'd leave you a few bucks in the place of the missing treat and voila - no crime or sin would have occurred. Just me and my chocolate and you and your cash. I'd say that's a win-win, now...wouldn't you?
Only when I opened my wallet, I discovered much to my dismay that I had, in fact, placed my cash, along with my driver's licence in my back pocket when I'd gone out the night before. Along with a lipstick and those little papers to powder your nose - you know the ones; they're much more portable than a compact and truly handy when you don't want to lug around a purse all evening. Suddenly I had much greater troubles than thievery to worry about. I had no cash on my person - and no driver's license, either! What would I do?
Well, I'd go home for sure! That's what I'd do...before some cop decided to pull me over for some perceived infraction or other. And discover I was driving without a licence.
In order to comfort myself for the inconvenience of having gone all day long without cash...I took your candy bar.
Just had a square. You, my darling, have very, very good taste.
Love you. Really and truly. Even if you didn't buy me divine chocolate.