If left to my own devices, I can be my own best friend or my very worst enemy. This week I've been more of the latter.
Contrary to the belief of some of my friends who keep up with my comings and goings, I am not not blogging because I'm traveling. In fact I'm not at the beach with my family as planned. Instead, I've gotten sick again for the second time in, oh, just a few weeks. Not so sick that I skipped my regularly scheduled hours at the office, of course, (never underestimate the power of the promise of a regular paycheck to get you out of bed on a sick day,) no doubt much to my coworkers' distress. Pushing myself that hard throughout the week when my body was begging to take some down-time totally put me on my butt yesterday and now I'm feeling the pressure of that to-do list looming.
This morning I discovered that even when you feel a bit better, 10 minutes might be the maximum amount of time advisable to use power lawnscaping tools like string trimmers. I did the back yard chore I'd set for myself - albeit haphazardly and certainly not to the best of my usual standards - then came inside to sit down...only to discover I was trembling from head to toe and thank God I'd come in when I did.
My imagination is far too powerful. This sitting and resting and feeling grateful I hadn't passed out in the fenced-in-back yard, all alone with the promise of a scorching sun approaching, conjuring up images of being found, dehydrated and sunburned, hours later...there's nothing healthy or emotionally balanced about these kinds of thoughts. They sent me back into the emotional space I spent the entirety of yesterday in. Not a good place. Ever notice that when you're sick it doesn't matter how optimistic you are by nature, you can conjure up all sorts of images of yourself living on the streets and otherwise down-and-out in a way you hadn't actually planned for yourself? I'm happy to report that today those images are almost entirely gone (except for my post-yardwork anxiety,) having risen at a reasonable hour to start my domestic projects and get back to some work-related projects I'd intended to be further along on by now. About to start my 3rd load of laundry, soon I'll call a client and figure out the scope of a project we'd left a bit up in the air. And then I do believe there's clay on my schedule!!!
Meanwhile my family is, as earlier mentioned, enjoying the salty air of Sunset Beach. I'm not bitter, really. Actually I just miss them very, very much. I think I'm overdue for some time with that baby. But I also really, really wish I could be with the rest of the family, too. Soon enough, perhaps, I'll see my parents. Until then, I'll enjoy Sunday - sis and hubby and Mr. Pie and I will go, with other friends, to the birthday party of The Princess, Our Very Favorite Five Year Old. That'll put the cherry on the top of my recuperation sundae. That and some cheesy eighties music I just found in my collection....