It's a good thing I've got an appointment with my shrink today. I'm completely lacking in focus. Of course that could have something to do with the fact that I haven't taken a Concerta in something like 3 days. More on that later. But how fortuitous that I'm seeing her this afternoon. In less than two hours, to be exact.
I stood in the middle of my office/studio/junk room and thought "I am
completely immobilized. I cannot do one thing because I should be doing
four thousand things. Where would a woman start?" And I wanted to lie
down. So I took a shower instead, and poured another cup of coffee.
I'm working a little here, a little there. And I justify the lack of
quality work hours by reminding myself of the hours I put in yesterday.
Which is ludicrous, really, because no matter how much I convince
myself this is acceptable, I am a freelancer now. And therefore if I
work I get paid and if I don't, I don't. Simple as that. I have many
bills. Relatively speaking, although truly my expenses are low compared
It's good to have the appointment today. She's calm and balanced and
very, very agreeable. The short version is that my inability to focus
was such that I tried this and that med and the dosages increased and
increased so that finally I could concentrate. AND the high dosage
brought greater anxiety than the job had been giving me. Which brought
more drugs. So when I left my day job to freelance, I knew that I
needed to reconsider the med choices, and I'm glad about this. Very
much prefer to decrease as far as possible. For perhaps obvious
reasons. And since I ran out of that-which-helped-with the anxiety on
Friday, figured why not just hold off...no need to spend the money on a
new prescription if she's going to be changing it all anyway.
No, I do not think I am qualified to doctor myself. And writing this way is perhaps inadvisable...I'm putting together a blog about A.D.D. Which means in time people may read it and look to this site for some kind of guidance. Do not. It's merely a set of writings concerning the experiences of a few A.D.D. types...who knows if we're "doing it right?" I do know that i'm usually rigid in taking my prescribed medications, and would advise us all to do this. And sometimes I screw that up. Like now.