Stolen Interet Fails To Live Up To Expectations, Day One:

After spending 3 hours trying to write and publish a simple blog post about picking blackberries, for crying out loud, during which time your connection either times out or is said to be impossible to find (in spite of the assurance of your Wireless Network Wizard that there is a connection, albeit a very low one, although occasionally said wizard seems inexplicably to find no signal at all,) you give up and decide to read a book you found in storage called Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank, by Celia Rivenbark. What a perfectly excellent title for a book of southern humor!

Since two of the Southern Women Writers with whom you have been recently collaborating on web projects happened to mention this very author within two weeks of each other, and Bookstore Chick gave you the copy you hold in your hand (albeit the unedited, Advanced Readers' Edition,) back when she was working for The Big Corporate Book Conglomerate and actually hosted Ms. Rivenbark Herself on more than one occasion which is said to have been a Mighty Good Time Indeed, you decided to bring it along to your hideaway. What a relief. You had no idea of your good fortune in having such a delightful way to distract yourself from the unexpected turn of internet events. Pick up a copy of this book for yourself and you can find such tidbits as:

For those who don't know, every American Girl doll represents a specific time in our nation's history. Nellie, it turns out, is the cute-but-economically disadvantaged waif friend of rich American Girl Doll Samantha. She costs $108.

Some waif.

The American Girl catalog is beautifully photographed. Heck, by the time I finished looking at it, I could barely stifle an urge to order Kit, Molly, and especially the plucky Josefina complete with her authentic reproduction New Mexico sleigh bed.

Thank heavens I was reminded by the big, bold letters of the catalog's very first page: "True friendship is the greatest gift."

Indeed it is, and that's why my little girl is going to become good friends with the Neelie look-alike I found on sale for twelve bucks last week and slyly named K-Martha.

See! You won't miss the internet at all!

You decide to call West Virginia Internet Company first thing on Monday and ask them to reschedule the installation appointment Twice Postponed Due To The Fact That You Would Not, In Fact, Be In Town Due To Unforseen Circumstances, (such as you thought of something else you'd rather do that week and figured you'd just go later,) Then Forgot To Reschedule Upon Arrival Seeing As How Some Lovely Neighbor Kept Providing Such Convenient Access. Maybe all the extra growth on all the gorgeous mountain trees which sprung up since your last visit is impeding the ability of the waves from getting to your computer through the More Dense Than Before atmosphere? Pity. Not that you mind paying for the interwebs. You don't! It's just that this discovery is made on a Saturday and who knows how many days will actually have to go by before this can be remedied? Seeing as how those internet technician guys seem always to be nearly booked up, no matter when you call. And you have a lot of work to do. Fortunately, a healthy percentge of it is design work which can be completed offline.

It could have been worse. Stay tuned for Day 2...