Yesterday it Happened
On occasion, there is a sparkling collision. All the brilliance and chaos and humming and deadlines and ripples and fear and minutia and love bump up against each other at a single moment. When that happens, you pause to wonder if others felt it too.
It had to do with one-too-many unexpected "surprises" occurring in close proximity, which has affected my scheduled time and my ability to handle things in a timely manner. Life is like that, of course. Nobody said we get to choose when and how and WHAT challenges come up. We just get to manage them as best we can, and learn from them, if we're smart.
Writing has been the primary method of working through my own life's less anticipated gifts but I realized that I haven't been writing at all! No "Morning Pages" or journaling or blogging, for that matter. None of it has been on my radar recently, and the effects had surely mounted.
So in the middle of the afternoon, while working on a graphic that is to feature the outline of a dragonfly someone else designed and the colorful textures I myself am creating, All That Suppressed Other Stuff Decided To Get Some Attention.
I contemplated the projects on my work priority list alongside the recent unplanned occurrences here and in my close circles, most of which require multiple rounds of attention. Sickness - again - and a scary hospital stay (mom's better), a tragic death, seriously sick computer, lost - vital - programs as a result, phone issues, a dead water heater, then a furnace, 6-8 inches of snow causing driving challenges for some of the intended guests at my beloved's surprise birthday gathering, the need to learn more about Alzheimer's in order to be a better "granddaughter" to this dear woman I've come to adore these past months... these things we don't plan for will never stop coming and we nonetheless like to hope they won't keep piling up in quite such close proximity. And so I stopped working and I wrote. I wrote my little heart out. I wrote to quell the chatter and the sense that it's all equal and unmanageable and that I'm doing it very wrong and that I'm not enough and that I'll always feel this way. And I reread, tweaked, and wrote some more. And when I was done? I felt much better! More able to juggle the planned and unplanned. More able to curb the guilt at not having turned things around quickly enough. More able to ignore the kitty hairball in the corner and that one over there by the table, too.
And today, for a few hours, though it is a Saturday, I will work. And the To Do List doesn't look quite so impossible, after all.