Time to try something new

It's a good thing I've got an appointment with my shrink today. I'm completely lacking in focus. Of course that could have something to do with the fact that I haven't taken a Concerta in something like 3 days. More on that later. But how fortuitous that I'm seeing her this afternoon. In less than two hours, to be exact.

I stood in the middle of my office/studio/junk room and thought "I am completely immobilized. I cannot do one thing because I should be doing four thousand things. Where would a woman start?" And I wanted to lie down. So I took a shower instead, and poured another cup of coffee.

I'm working a little here, a little there. And I justify the lack of quality work hours by reminding myself of the hours I put in yesterday. Which is ludicrous, really, because no matter how much I convince myself this is acceptable, I am a freelancer now. And therefore if I work I get paid and if I don't, I don't. Simple as that. I have many bills. Relatively speaking, although truly my expenses are low compared to many.

It's good to have the appointment today. She's calm and balanced and very, very agreeable. The short version is that my inability to focus was such that I tried this and that med and the dosages increased and increased so that finally I could concentrate. AND the high dosage brought greater anxiety than the job had been giving me. Which brought more drugs. So when I left my day job to freelance, I knew that I needed to reconsider the med choices, and I'm glad about this. Very much prefer to decrease as far as possible. For perhaps obvious reasons. And since I ran out of that-which-helped-with the anxiety on Friday, figured why not just hold off...no need to spend the money on a new prescription if she's going to be changing it all anyway.

No, I do not think I am qualified to doctor myself. And writing this way is perhaps inadvisable...I'm putting together a blog about A.D.D. Which means in time people may read it and look to this site for some kind of guidance. Do not. It's merely a set of writings concerning the experiences of a few A.D.D. types...who knows if we're "doing it right?" I do know that i'm usually rigid in taking my prescribed medications, and would advise us all to do this. And sometimes I screw that up. Like now.