Novel writing vs. drawing classes; facing fear, ignoring discipline... or something else?
Thursday, 7 April, 2011 at 11:20 AM 
31 thousand words is a solid start if you're finally writing your novel. I was doing that, but then came the big long break: at a little more than 31,000 words.
This little technicality comes up these days. It's mentioned when people who know me hear I've been considering drawing classes.
It's not like I'm trying to master painting faces, like Jolie Guillebeau is. But still, this nagging whisper that it's time to finally learn to draw? It is about faces. Ever since I rediscovered the Sabrina Ward Harrison book, Spilling Open, there's been a companion memory of how strongly I've always wished to be able to draw. And not just draw anything (which I also want,) but specifically, I have always wanted to draw faces. Confidently. Spilling Open (subtitled "The Art of Becoming Yourself") is a poetic cacophony of colors, textures, words and images. She draws faces. Probably they're painted, too. But it's seeing those faces in the midst of these visual journals of hers that planted this fresh seed for me.
Writing has never been a problem for me. And so the novel? I know the novel will happen. When the time is right, I will sit back down and begin the regular process of weaving this story that lives in me and will one day be read by many.
But the drawing? As a woman who doesn't even believe people should go around saying I Can't, these words have most often been associated with drawing. "I can't draw." It's a fact. But of course all my artist friends tell me it's the easiest thing in the world to do. And they break into these lovely stories, weaving their explanations about this or that minor technicality I'd have to overcome in order to become She Who Draws.
These new watercolors are a part of this larger whole: the idea of making collages has planted itself in my mind. Some elements were missing, so I painted some pieces in order to have the imagined colors and textures. Piece of cake, turns out. But the faces? I don't know why I feel the need to be able to draw faces in order to create these mixed media pieces. But I do.
And so first I'll have to hold a pencil in my hand, and learn to see an apple or a can of pencils or a mug of coffee. Isn't that what the beginning students have to do first? Then they get to move up to faces, once they've learned to really see? That's how it unfolds in my imagination, anyway.
And I'm scared.
Maybe that's why I want to do this so badly right now, instead of continuing to write. I want to follow that advice people so often throw around, "Feel the fear and do it anyway," (which, until this minute, I didn't know is attributed to Susan Jeffers, who used this as her book title, but now I do!) because until now, nothing has ever brought me to the place of being willing to face my fear of drawing. I am not afraid of writing a novel. You, dear reader, might argue with me and say that the fact that I am not currently moving forward with my novel is a clear indication that I am, in fact, afraid of it. I would argue back with you, of course, and tell you it's about timing and prioritizing and most of the time these days I'm either working or doing other things that seem to matter more to me in various moments. So you'd likely be right if you threw out the word "discipline," but I don't think it's fear.
Still: I am afraid to try and draw. Afraid of what? Upon honest reflection: I'm very much afraid that I'll take a class, then another one, and another, but no amount of guidance will be able to turn me into a woman who can, in fact, draw. And right now, in spite of that fear? I've finally arrived at the space from which I can say, "Let me try anyway and just see what happens. No matter what."
So this is my justification for such emphasis on drawing classes instead of resuming work on my novel just now. If there are only so many hours in a week that one might devote to external creative endeavors, one can't paint and draw and write while keeping up with a typical work load. One has to choose one or the other, right? At the moment, it feels more important to me to choose drawing, so I can then choose the collages and one day return to the novel.
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I recently told my dad that the novel isn't about me. He said something along the lines of, "I imagine you'll find it's more about you than you realized." Which is funny today as I just remembered a story line within my notes in which Holly (my main character,) starts making these big, bold collages as a therapeutic process during a challenging turning point. I'd forgotten this completely. The idea was conceived last year and I'd sketched out the scene in my notes then promptly forgot about it.
The magical intertwining of life and art is fascinating to me...
Reader Comments (8)
Lawdy, woman...quit yo' thinkin and start drawin...just don't judge what you draw!
My girl... Thanks - also for the "don't judge" reminder.
I've gotten emails and texts, too. So much food for thought, today! Y'all are awesome!
Did you find a drawing class? i'll give you private lessons, if you're interested. You're already a creative person so you have nothing to fear! Art doesn't have a Right or Wrong; it just IS.
Thank you Rudy! I'm pretty sure I know who I'm going to take classes from but I'll keep your offer in mind in case it doesn't work out. And thank you for the encouragement. Good to hear from you!
Hi! I found your site while googling 'The Artist's Way' and came upon an old post. Was just wondering if you ever went back and read the book?
my site is:
www.bergiepowers.wordpress.com
and I am currently working my way through the book. Just curious. Thank you!
Bergie
Its quite inspiring the way you have clearly written about your fear and resolved to face it.
Though I may not know you, after reading your post I feel like wishing you all the best with your first serious attempt at drawing. :) All the best!
Hi Bergie,
Your comment fell through the cracks. (I have a lot of those.) But now that I've found it, I wanted to write and say thank you for stopping by. No, I haven't yet taken the time to work through The Artist's Way. Even now. I am, however, working through a list of things I've been putting off, which feel (perhaps erroneously, perhaps not) slightly more important. It feels like clearing out a lot of junk will make way for tasks that feel more elective. Maybe I'll clear out enough that one day I'll discover Doing The Artist's Way would have gotten me there sooner. Would be a fascinating irony, I guess.
I hope your own work through the book is giving you more than you'd hoped for. Bookmarking your site so I can check in on your progress from time to time.
Be well...
Hi Meghashyam,
What a lovely, encouraging note! I peeked at your blog about facing fears and wanted to encourage YOU to keep at it. It's lovely to have discovered someone, far, far away, who's learning lessons quite early on, which take some of us much longer to face.
Thank you, too, for reminding me that I have, in fact, resolved to face my fear of drawing. I haven't begun classes yet, as I've been out of town for more time than at home since writing it. Still, this too will happen. Especially with encouragement such as that you've offered.
All best...