Apparently I had to start NaNoWriMo before I could get just how wrong it is for me this year...
Tuesday, 2 November, 2010 at 11:50 AM 
Short Version: I'll do NaNoWriMo one day. But this is not that day. Still, I'm getting back to work on my novel again. Because that's the one I really care about.
Now for the Long Version:
One of my personal rules related to managing my life as a self-employed, A.D.D., creative nomad is that I have to honor the kookiness of my personal impulses. And? I have to be willing to let them go, no matter how awkward that path-shift is. Throw into the mix the fact that all but my personal life is publicly laid out there in my blog, for all the world to see, and you start to see why one might occasionally wish to be less... well, impulsive!
Then again, making it to this phase in life has made me confident and comfortable with my processes, for better or worse. Which means I often say "Hey y'all. Check out what I'm doing!" Then three days later I'm all "Nah, that's not workin' for me. Oops! But here's why!" If I were constantly changing my mind and never making progress toward my goals, I'd be the first in line to give me a well-deserved talking to. Actually, that happens too. But sometimes you have to jump in before you actually know how something feels!
So let's talk about this NanoWriMo business for a minute, shall we? Yesterday was the first day of the month-long challenge to write a 50,000 word novel. Yesterday I wrote 3,799 words. And? They were okay. There were moments when the words flowed and flowed. Other times even as I wrote, my internal filters were whispering to me, "You know this is total bunk, don't you?" And all writers know that this voice is going to be there, no matter what, and we push on anyway! It's an expected part of the process. But what I hadn't counted on was just how much that one day of writing was going to consume me. Nearly everything I did yesterday was in some way affected by my decision to write this novel.
Hard core NaNo participants will tell you "That's no surprise, either. That's what you signed up for." And they'd be right, too. NaNoWriMo has a very specific set of guidelines and parameters. They're well-publicized and well explained. You don't just stumble into this commitment. You might, however, stumble into this commitment without appropriately weighing in on just what it is to which you're committing.
That's what I did. Yesterday, my work suffered. And by "work," I mean, the stuff I do every day that lets me pay my bills and live the life I live. And that was just day one. Today has started off on a similar vein. It's nearly noon and I would cringe if I had to admit to anyone just how little I've accomplished for my clients. How late I'll be working tonight in order to make sure it's been a quality workday in the matters that matter.
Still, I had to have some serious talks with myself: about what it means to commit to something, about why I decided to sign up for the NaNoWriMo challenge this year, and... what parts of the commitment I would keep, even if I didn't "follow the rules of NaNo."
Here is what I came up with:
- In spite of the fact that the 50,000 words on a brand-new project is, in fact, somewhat arbitrary, there are reasons the parameters exist. They have a right to exist and those who promote the project have a right to expect participants to honor those paramaters.
- I want to write my novel. The one I've already started and fallen completely in love with.
- I had stopped working on my novel, I never figured out why, and this was meant to kick start my momentum once more.
- I don't want to add one more random thing to a list of insane proportions. Everything on the list I posted over here matters to me far more than completing this particular challenge. But this particular challenge would have taken up a disproportionately high percentage of my energy.
- It's not fair to call myself a NaNoWriMo participant and follow the beat of my own internal writer's drum.
- Therefore I'm leaving NaNo, salvaging my career, and returning to my novel.
- It is my intention, in the spirit of the original challenge, to write in my novel every day. Whether or not that means I'll write an average of 1,667 words on Before Next Saturday remains to be seen. But chances are, I'm not going to write 50,000 words this month.
- Which is okay by me.
- I'm considering posting my word count on this blog, just for accountability purposes. I've reached 31,000+ words in a project I care very much about. I wonder how many more I could write if I kept it at the top of my priority list.
- One day I will absolutely take the NaNoWriMo challenge. And I will embrace it fully. I will have cleared an appropriate amount of space on my calendar so that I can honor the commitments I have made to my clients and others who are counting on me.
- This is not that day.
Yay public disclosures, eh?
Reader Comments (4)
Well, that was fast. :) And the best way! Why waste time on something you're heart just isn't into?! Good for you for recognizing that and toot sweet. I hate to ask, but what about NaBloPo?? Is that still on? That and the work you're doing seem to fit with the whole goal of travel right now -- probably support and complement each other, ya know? But what do I know...lol.
Onward to a very successful November!!
Yea, I'm usually in or out pretty quickly, and have to just honor the intuition. And speakin'o'intuition, I hadn't realized just how much I was NOT into that NaNo thing.I'd apparently completely ignored my inner voice on that one. Now I'm walking around all relieved, as if I've been givin some honkin' gift or something. And I was! The gift of "If you want to write your novel, just write your novel. If you want to meet your other goals, just work on those other goals. No need to get all distracted by that shiny, fancy party over there!"
And yes, absolutely I'm still doing NaBloPoMo over at Wayfarin'Vagabond. That was an authentic goal I'd thought about for some time, and was looking forward to. And am still excited about.
Here's to a successful November. AND your own NaNoWriMo project!
Girl, you make my little linear head spin! (In a most delightful way.) I'm still "in"on NaNo, even though I never officially signed up for it. My goal is less about completing a novel and more about showing myself that yes, I CAN find time to write EVERY DAY, even on the days I'd like to convince myself I'm really, really busy and can't do it. This month is a mess for me, with travel, book signings, work, holidays, etc. Which is perfect. If I can get through this month, I can get through any month.
Totally respect your decision to drop out. I suspect you invest much more of your heart in these type projects than I do, hence the more time-consuming emotional aspect of it all. But I can't help but l-a-u-g-h at this "It's Day 2. I'm out," post. Love you to death!
Darlin, it makes my head spin, too. Just differently and sort of from the inside. :) I love your "I CAN find time to write EVERY DAY" and am using that as my new mantra. Not only am I doing that NaBloPoMo challenge I mentioned above, which means I have to blog every day, but also I've dusted off the novel. Still can't figure out how much is reasonable for me to commit to, daily, but at least doing it seems like a first step? Sheesh.
Besides that? Yea, you totally get to laugh...